


I've Got Your Six

by italicized



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Awkward Flirting, Doctor Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Eventual Smut, Gradually becomes funny, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Marine Corps, Military, Minor Character Death, Modern Era, Multi, Oral Sex, Physical Therapy, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build, Top Eren Yeager, Trauma, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2020-07-11 21:31:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19934812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/italicized/pseuds/italicized
Summary: Lt. Eren Jäger is on a mission in Afganistan when his helicopter is shot down by enemy fire. The crash results in him being paralyzed from the waist down and wishing that he would've bled out on the airlift back to base.He's quickly discharged from the Marine Corps and is forced to attend physical therapy with hopes of gaining back the usage of his legs. At first, he's pissed that he can't just simply forget everything that happened back in the middle east. However, his ex-Marine physical therapist understands Eren's struggles on an almost physical level, and practically forces the brunette to try to regain the strength that he'd lost. They eventually become what one may describe as "friends."Eren really didn't expect for he man to make him question his sexuality, though.





	1. Lieutenant

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not an expert on anything regarding the military, so if anything is incorrect please let me know!

Lieutenant Eren Jäger had once been an extremely nervous child. He would pick at his fingernails at the slightest raise in anxiety throught his younger years- to the point where they would bleed. He had an awful habit of biting his fingers or hands to choke his crying if he was scolded, and he was terrified of nearly everything; from as little to spiders to death itself, Eren Jäger wasn't one to likely fancy it. 

And even as he now had several months of deployment in Afghanistan under his belt, old habits seemed to die hard. The only difference now, was that the young lieutenant was easily able to manage his anxiety in high stress situations- especially when the once cadets he had grown to see as his own brothers and sisters were gunned down at the hands of their own fear and from the wildly distributed AK-47 of the extremists currently residing on Afganistan. While the feeling was picking at the back of his skull, and he knew that it was ever-so present, he managed it. Excellently, as one of his Captains had put it in a precious briefing just before they were deployed. 

Eren had been on the front lines in previous missions. Everytime, he had managed to escape unscathed due to the excellent support he received from all of his comrades, as well as the instructions given to them by the higher-ups. He was extremely lucky to be in a group of such highly skilled and intelligent individuals- especially when he was depending on them to save his ass if things didnt go as planned... which they never did. 

And now, he was currently positioned in an abandoned building, somewhere around five stories above the quiet streets with two other lieutenants (Lt. Jean Kirestien, Lt. Mikasa Ackerman) and one of his commanding officers, (CG Erwin Smith), all skilled in what they did and definitely worthy of assisting with their current mission. 

The Americans currently had troops positioned just outside of the city. While the street was empty below, and the buildings seemed to be barren, Eren knew otherwise. His training knew otherwise. His officers knew otherwise. 

There were probably around a couple hundred members of the extremist group gathered in the city after having just taken it days before from civilians. Causality reports stated that the civilian deaths could rank in the thousands- meaning a decently sized group had claimed the area. As instructed by the government and leading officials, it was now the Marines' job to move in and claim it back, while saving whatever innocent civilian lives they could. 

The small group had been sent in as a form of a special operations squad to clear and secure the area near the gates of the city so forces could sweep the buildings. That meant taking out snipers positioned from hundreds of meters away with Eren's supressed M40, while the others stood with M4 carbines at the ready- crouched low as to not get their heads blown off.

Currently, Eren was sweeping the city with his binoculars, adjusting the distance and checking every building for signs of life. Already, Eren had spotted around four snipers- all around a quarter to a half klick away, and had taken them out with quiet and deadly precision. When he had started out in basic training, he couldn't shoot a gun for shit. Now, with confidence and skilled hands, firing his M40 had become one of his favorite past-times... when they weren't pointed between someone's eyes, enemy or not. 

The enemies lack of training had led to them being incredibly spaced out and solo- easy and undetectable targets for Eren. As he shot, they went down silently and without a fight- not ever knowing what hit them. A quick, painless death, one that Eren preferred, as he wasnt one to be called mean-spirited. 

Eren carefully set down his binoculars and adjusted himself onto the crates that had been stacked up near the edge of the building for him to lie down on. At his movement, Lt. Ackerman scanned the remote area with little movement, trying to see if anyone had caught wind of Lt. Jäger's subtle movements. 

He felt the wind, deciding how he would compensate. Probably around 20 MPH from the East. Target around a few hundred meters away. Coriolis effect not applicable. Target unmoving and staring down the scope of his weapon, obviously preoccupied with his eyes on something else than what was about to take him out. 

Eren gripped the sniper and gazed down his sights, easily lining up his shot with slow precision. He adjusted the sights of the weapon, gently doing so with practiced and simple movements. He knew that his shot would hit, but he wouldn't fire without confirmation from CG Smith. 

"Your call," was the man's low and simple response as if he was reading the younger marine's thoughts. He was trusting the lieutenants skill with his life. 

He peered through his binoculars, trying to follow the barrel of Lt. Jäger's weapon to see where the enemy was down-range. 

Silence dropped amongst the four, the only sound that Eren could hear was the practically undetectable noises of the wind and his own breathing, as well as the subtle click he heard as his finger moved to the trigger, preparing to fire. 

The shot didn't ring out due to the suppressed barell, but there was a low noise that came with the weapon being fired. Eren exhaled gently as the bullet flew through the air and struck the man in the head, a pink mist forming behind him momentarily. 

"Tango down," Eren spoke, reloading the M40. 

Erwin didnt say anything in response, quickly moving his binoculars to where he saw movement. The man who Eren had just shot fatalty had been barely visible from behind a low concrete wall. How he had seen him, he wasn't certain. Erwin was sure that if he had been in Jägers position, he would've missed the positioned sniper. 

They would probably be in that exact same position for the entire day, taking out the enemies covering the entrance with patience as to not start a large and bloody fight. While they had somewhat of an idea of the size of the enemy in intermediate area, it hadn't been confirmed by any one of the MIA informants that had been sent in just weeks prior.

One of Eren's close friends and fellow solider, Armin Arlet, was one of the men who had gone missing. Many assumed that they were killed, but without bodies to confirm, they were currently listed as MIA. Hostages, most realistically. 

Jean shuffled from behind the two and Eren glanced back, wanting to check his six just to make sure that they were all safe in their current situation. 

Lt. Kirestien's face was strained in concentration, listening to what sounded to Eren like the faintest sounds of footsteps climing the stairs from just behind the metal door to the roof. 

Quickly and without fright, Eren pulled out his pistol and aimed it at the door. The other two lieutenants stood against the walls next to the door, weapons raised and aiming at the first place where the door would open. 

Soon after they all took their positions, Erwin recieved a radio call that several more marines had been sent to their location for backup, since their areial support had spotted a greater number than anticipated enemies swarming the East. 

"Hold your fire," Erwin said as he raised his right fist, his left holding his issued carbine, "friendlies were just sent, don't shoot at first glance. Make sure they aren't our boys." His voice was low, just barely heard by the three others. 

The door slowly opened as soon as he finished speaking and several marines filed onto the roof, hands raised as to not get shot. Those who had already been stationed lowered their weapons, shoulders relaxing and heartbeats settling back down to their normal pace. 

One of those who had joined them on the roof was airforce commander Hange Zoë, leader of most aerial assault missions and lookouts. Despite the serious circumstances, she was wearing a bright grin as she approached the CG with her arms spread widem

"Nice to see ya, Erwin," she completely ditched formalities. The tall blond didn't make a move to hug her, as there was a loaded weapon across his chest. Luckily, she took the hint and didn't try to smother him. 

"What's been happening East? We haven't seen much action up here besides snipers across the area," he watched as several of the soilders who had came with the commander took lookout points along the roof of the building.

Zoë just sighed, "nothing good for us, i'm afraid. Came ta get you boys out. We just came back from scouting and it's hopeless- they're roughly 10 times the size of what we previously predicted- most likely from the heavy recruiting they've been doing recently." 

The news hit Erwin like a brick. When he heard that the extremists had expanded their numbers, he was expecting a smaller prediction. At this news, his mind went into overdrive trying to think of what to do with his men positioned just outside of the city- men that were now outnumbered probably 5 to 1. 

"We have to pull back," the blonde muttered without hesitation, glancing towards the East as if he could see the enemy from 3 kicks away, "fucker's probably planned it like this, too. Hid all of their men until they knew we'd start to filter in. It's a fucking deathtrap, it's the only thing that we can do." 

Hange didn't give her input or opinions on his decision, she just listened o the male speak. She trusted him. They had fought alongside each other when they had just started in the military before they climbed the ranks. He was one of the smartest people she had ever met and was impossibly skilled in analyzing the enemy and their goals. It was incredible how accurate his predictions always were when it came to battles. 

"Just give the word and I can have trucks here in under an hour. We can have some birds fly in to pick up you boys from this spot. It will give away that we were here but it's even more dangerous to have you all rush back to the gates to meet the trucks- putting all of our men at risk." 

Erwin nodded, "call in the trucks and 'copters. I doubt they haven't received word that we're in the area already." Hange seemed thrilled that the CG had taken her advice, "Meanwhile we're just going to have to lay low. Jäger, keep an eye on those snipers, we don't want any of us going home missin' a part of our brain. Oorah?"

Eren reloaded his sniper, glancing over his shoulder at his higher-up. 

That was enough of a response for Erwin.


	2. Private

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Evacuation doesn't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually dont update this quickly but I was really bored and couldn't sleep so here you guys go!

With a bird inbound and with a relatively secure vantage point, Eren was able to slowly ease himself from the anxiety that had started to pound at the base of his skull- especially considering that everyone around him was calm and collected, something that always had an effect on the young lieutenant's own emotions. 

Several Marines were now positioned on lower levels of the building as to keep lookout just in case of an incident where they were flanked them from their blind spots on the roof. Many of them had gone through basic training with Eren, Lt. Marco Bodt and Lt. Bertolt Hoover being two of them. They were smart individuals, Marco being a little more situational aware than Bertolt but not by an obscene amount. He was also more emotionally stable than the taller male, able to completely flush personal thoughts from his mind as he gazed down the sights of his weapon.

Bertolt hesitated before he fired, but in the end, he always did. On their first deployment a man had ran straight at Bertolt, trying to attack him as they were clearing a building. The once Private had almost completely forgotten to fire at the man in order to save his own life. However, he caught himself in the nick of time and shot the man dead with a single bullet through the forehead. Afterwards, at base, standing together and having a cup of coffee, Eren had comforted him, saying that he would be dead right now if he hadn't of done what he did. 

Eren remembers the moon dust blowing around them in the subtle wind, trucks dropping marines back off near their barracks as Bertolt frowned, his emotions getting the better of him. Several MEDEVACs flew in from above towards the makeshift airstrip, carrying dozens of bandaged up and barely alive men in from the inner cities. Many were injured from gunfire or IEDs. 

"You did what you had to do," Eren remembers saying as he gripped his comrade's shoulder solidly. They both were wearing their digies and olive green t-shirts, having changed out of their heavier gear from the earlier mission, "sometimes you have to not see 'em as people. I'm not saying they aren't, but when you're out there, you have to put our lives ahead of theirs. You can't forget that, Bert." His gaze was serious but held a small amount of pity and condolence in his irises, making the other Private build a sense of respect for his friend. 

Eren pulled the trigger, exhaling gently. The wind had sped up a bit so he had to compensate for the changes. Luckily, his estimate was enough and the bullet hit its target. At the low pop of his weapon, Erwin once again followed the bullet with his eyes. The shot was around one klick away, the farthest one that Eren had fired that day. This time, the CG had seen the target and watched as the dot of a man fell to his fatal hit. The only sound in their general vicinity was of the 7.62mm bullet casing hitting the concrete floor.

"Nice shot, lieutenant," he spoke, still observing the area of which the enemy was shot down. The M40 was only relatively effective at a range of 800 meters, however, Eren had a lot of time for practice at longer distances, his furthest kill being from 1200 meters with the bolt-action. 

Erwin don't want to admit it, but he was impressed with the boy. While he was in no way "new" to the Marine Corps, he definitely had not seen as much front line action as older, more seasoned soilders like CG Smith himself. The lieutenant was holding himself rather well- managing his emotions effectively and always remembering what they were there for in the first place. The young man was definitely having an easier time than Erwin had during his first few deployments. In his first week away from the states, he had almost been blown up by a claymore when he had not been paying attention. He almost misfired a javelin at an enemy aircraft as well when it hadn't been ordered to do so, which would've cut his military experience rather short if it hadn't of been for Hange to steer him in the proper direction. 

Maybe that was why they were so close. They had saved each others' asses more times than you could count and they knew it as well... they saw it as a form of side duty to their actual tasks. Nowadays, they didn't see much of each other since Hange was usually positioned in the sky, but she always kept an eye out for his location, watching for requested air support and whatnot. On top of whatever mission she was executing, Erwin was in the back of her mind. 

At around 1500 hours Eren could finally hear the lively sounds of the helicopter flying in. It was practically music to his fucking ears. 

Even though a successful evac was just a few mere minutes away, Eren couldn't let his guard down. He knew that with the aircraft being flown in, the enemy was more than likely to catch wind of their position- especially when the bird landed. That meant increased observation was at play and more than likely, a small bit of gunfire. Nothing that the marines couldn't handle, but definitely something to take in account.

"Bravo 5, over," Erwin's radio buzzed, signialng the time that they had left before evac. 

Erwin grabbed his radio, "Lima Charlie, Big Bird, do you have eyes on our location, over?" 

The reply was instant, "Yes, Commander General, ETA four minutes, over." 

Erwin stood up from where he had been crouched near Lt. Jäger, watching him take his shots, "Hange, send up the rest of your men from the lower levels. We need everyone to be able to hightail their ass outta here when Big Bird lands." He pulled at the strap of his helmet, apparently becoming lost in thought. 

Eren momentarily glanced up at the CG before gazing down range once again, scanning every building for movement. The terrain in their vicinity was full of broken concrete, personal belongings of civilians, and crates that the enemy had used to ship in their weapons. All of these factors, along with the fact that people blended in extremely well to the mismatched landscape, made spotting snipers extremely difficult. 

At this point in time, Eren knew that the mission was basically over, but as he had previously thought, he couldn't let his guard down. If he stopped scanning the surrounding ruins for even a second, one of the extremists that he would've missed could spot them and shoot them down one by one- a less than ideal situation to be in. 

The pilot spoke something into her radio, quiet enough to the point where Eren couldn't hear it over the light howl of the wind cutting through broken concrete. He knew that she was calling the other marines back to the roof, though. She wasn't one to not follow orders.

At the sound of the aircraft coming in, Eren could tell that the enemy had also heard it. Men once focused solely on their snipers now gazed up at the sky, looking for the source of the noise. Most likely, they assumed that the helicopter was dropping men off, not preparing for an evac. Their troops had been incredibly stealthy that day, since they came in without knowing exactly how many people they were going to have to counter. There would be no way of them knowing that the Americans had been posted there for hours at this point. 

Hange seemed to realize that this might not be the easiest evac, as she popped out the magazine on her M249 SAW, observing her 200 rounds of ammunition before replacing it. She caught Lt. Jäger watching her ministrations and offered him a small grin, silently telling him that they were going to make it out of there just fine. 

At that moment, the three other marines made their way back onto the roof, the last one being Marco as he shut the metal door behind him. The helicopter was only a few hundred meters out now, so Eren finally got up from his position to prepare to board the aircraft. 

But of course, when things go too smoothly for a while, they have to go downhill. 

Suddenly, yelling could be heard from around the city. Eren recognized some of the words as Pashto, but he couldn't make out most of what the yells meant. But he had a general idea, because just seconds after the yelling started, the sky filled with the popping of AK-47s and the sides of the building erupted in small puffs of powdered concrete. 

"Shit!" Erwin yelled, ducking underneath the small concrete wall at the edge of the building. Eren quickly followed suit, knowing that at from the range the enemies were firing at, their bullets wouldn't be able to breach the walls. 

"We've got shots from the East!" The tall blonde yelled into his radio. He pulled his face away from the device, "return fire, give the bird some cover!" Immediently, Eren aimed over the wall and did as his commanding general ordered. 

It wasnt very difficult to spot where the bullets were coming from. In the slightly darkened buildings the barrels of their weapons pinpointed their exact position with the light that they gave off after every shot. Eren quickly fired his sniper with deadly precision, taking out five men with his five round magazine. 

He sat down against the wall, pulling another mag out of his pocket and jamming it into its correct spot. Usually, he'd reload the mag but at the time, he wasn't going to worry about wasting a few mag casings and letting them fall to the floor beneath him. As soon as he reloaded, a bullet breached the concrete near his head and whizzed past his ear, making him abruptly start to fire back once again. So much for being an impenetrable wall. 

Hange was going to hell and back with her LMG, firing down at the enemy with precision that many would envy. Eren knew that's why she favored the M249 over the usual carbine- you could put some damn hefty mags on it (compared to the M4s 30 rounds) and it had a firing range of around three and a half kilometers while being relatively accurate. When not using a bolt-action, Eren would usually use the M4, however, since he was more comfortable with the weapon. 

The helicopter was just overhead at this point, and was slowly lowering itself to land on the roof. Metallic clangs rang through the air as bullets struck the body, some penetrating while others ricocheted and left dents in their wake. 

Dust blew up from the floor and momentarily blinded Eren, getting into his eyes, nose and mouth. He coughed as his eyes burned and watered but he continued to provide cover for the pilot so they could successfully land. When they finally did, Erwin yelled at everyone to move their asses to the helicopter or they were getting left behind. 

Eren was the last one to get on, jumping up into the bird as it just started to pull up from the ground. Bullets flew by in all directions, hitting everywhere inside of the helicopter except for the occupants. He just then noticed that Lt. Kirestien had been struck in the shoulder, probably when the gunfire had started, and was bleeding quite profusely, but at that moment he couldn't offer his friend any aid. He had to provide cover fire and shoot back until they got out of the walls of the city. 

"Get some pressure on that shit," He yelled at Jean, firing down at a ruined building. The other male immediently listened and reached under his uniform shirt, tearing the tshirt he had underneath to form a makeshift rag. He pressed the green fabric into the wound and hissed as it stained red. 

The helicopter sped in the direction in which the Marines had originally came from, making everyone in the aircraft lose some of the tension that they had been previously feeling. Eventually, the gunfire faded as they neared the edge of the city, giving everyone hope that they were going to make it back to base in one piece. 

"Nice job, Marines," CG Smith complemented, reaching above himself to grab a rail that ran overhead to steady himself in the rocky helicopter. 

Everyone was out of breath and slightly shaken by the incident, but it was nothing compared to the things that had previously occurred to their group. Hange just grinned at the commander while Eren leaned over and pressed on the back of Jean's hand to apply more pressure. At the motion he shied away, but Eren grabbed his other shoulder with his free hand and held it in place. 

"You really tryna bleed out, Kirestein?" He joked, pushing harder to try to stop the bleeding. 

"Yep," the other male groaned and scrunched up his face at the pain, "that was the plan." There was a bit of blood splatter on the side of his neck from the injury. 

Lt. Ackerman took Eren's place in holding the makeshift rag, as the two were closer to each other seating-wise, and gestured to him that she had it covered. He didn't complain but simply listened, knowing that she was better for the job since she had started schooling for becoming a nurse after the military. 

But the easiness didn't last long, as the gentle chatting in the helicopter turned to curses and confused glances. 

"Fuck-" Erwin grabbed the rail above him with both hands, "RPG! Hold on, Marines!" 

In only a mere second after he warned everyone of the missle, it struck the front of the helicopter, sending it into a downward spiral towards the dessert-like terrain below them in a black staircase of smoke. Bertolt let out a cry of terror, but other than that, everyone remained relatively calm, clenching their jaws and scrambling for purchase as to not be flung from the sky. 

Eren's ears rung front the explosion, his throat burning from the sudden smoke that took over the oxygen he had been breathing. He could just barely hear the pilot cursing through Erwin's radio over the whizzing of the helicopter blades and his own ragged heartbeat. It took all of his strength to stay in the helicopter, almost falling out several times on the plummet towards the Earth. 

It crashed into the dust of the Registan desert, sending a black pillar of smoke and fire towards the pale, blue sky. 

Those already back at base were just starting to get out of their uniforms when the explosion sounded from across the desert. They glanced at eachother and rushed out of their barracks, easily being able to spot the barreling black smoke in the distance. 

"Well, fuck me," a Private muttered under his breath. He shielded his eyes from the harsh sun, gazing at the sight.


	3. Commander General

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren doesn't know how they survived.

The first thing Eren noticed after a long stretch of silence was the excruciating pain he felt in his lower back. 

His spine was broken, there was no fucking doubting that. It felt as if someone had completely pulled his spine into two parts, and most likely, that was probably the case. 

He couldn't see out of his right eye, which he quickly noticed was due to a gash in his forehead bleeding profusely into his iris and not an injury to his eye. 

Groaning, he pushed himself up onto his elbows, feeling the hot sand between his fingers as he grasped for some kind of purchase to pull himself upwards. The cackling of the burning aircraft was the only sound around him besides the static of the pilot's radio.

Eren had been thrown from the helicopter about ten meters from where it had actually crashed. Next to him was CG Smith, his arm almost completely singed off by the previous explosion and unconcious. Likely dead. All that was left of the limb was a smoking chunk of blackened flesh, probably cauterized from the flames. 

He tried to stand, he really did. Strained his muscles and tried to wiggle his toes, to no avail. Immediently, the worst case scenario played out in his head and he glanced downwards. Luckily, both of his legs were still attached to his body, but he was still unable to move the limbs. 

One of the helicopter blades groaned in protest as it fell into the sand close to Eren, letting up a puff of loose, powdery sand in its wake. He coughed, waving the sand away from his face and eyes, still trying to absorb everything that had just happened in a span of probably less than five minutes. One second they were in route for base, and now they were all laying in the desert and probably better off dead with their injuries. 

Rolling onto his stomach, Eren started pulling himself towards the ruins of the helicopter. He had to check for a casualty report- to see if anyone was alive before the aircraft would likely explode. 

It took everything in himself to drag across the sand. His legs were nothing but a dead weight behind him and he was half blinded by his own blood with fuzzy vision in his good eye, but he knew that it wasn't the worst of what could've happened. He could be dead. 

And the pain. Holy shit, the fucking pain and burning that Eren felt in his spine as he moved was enough to make him want to surrender and let himself burn in the explosion. But he wasn't going to. There could be survivors in the helicopter or nearby it, and he knew damned well that he wasn't about to let those who he had grown close with turn into a bunch of barbequed Marines. 

He checked the cockpit first, grabbing the side of the iron-hot metal to hoist himself upwards. He could hear the palms of his hands sizzling under the heat; he could smell it; he could feel it.

The front of the helicopter had received the most of the damage from the RPG... and the pilot- well, there wasn't much left of him. Eren could just barely make out a blackened face and torso before he let go of the helicopter's body, falling into the sand again with a dull thud. The pale brown dust stuck to the open blisters, causing a burning sensation in the palms of his hands, making Eren's eyes water from both the sight of the pilot and the sharp pain enveloping his entire body. 

A low cough sounded from inside of the cargo space of the bird. Eren dug his hands into the sand, "are you alright?" He quickly asked, dragging his heavy legs to where the noise had come from. 

"Oh, my god," came a garbled feminine response. It was Hange, her voice muffled in both pain, blood, and tears, "my leg- my fucking leg," she coughed again and began to sob uncontrollably. 

Eren hoisted himself into the helicopter and saw what she meant. A mangled piece of metal from the side of the bird had cut her right leg clean off and she was bleeding out as they sat there. Immediently, Eren jumped into action. He pulled himself towards the airforce commander, ripping off his belt and tying it around the wound, making a makeshift tourniquet. As he touched the flesh around the amputation, Hange yelled in pain, blood dripping down her chin while she clutched at her thigh. Her short nails dug into her uniform pants, definitely breaking the skin underneath with the pressure. He grabbed Hange's glasses from off of her face and broke off one of the sides, using it to tighten the belt until he couldn't anymore. 

"Hold this," he ordered, as if Hange wasn't his higher up. Luckily, she did as she was told and allowed Eren to pull her from the helicopters cargo space as she held the tourniquet. 

It was difficult, having to haul another person when you already had to pull your own weight using nothing but your upper body, but he did it. He didn't know how -probably the adrenalin- but he managed to pull the woman a safe distance from the helicopter. 

He shoved her into the sand, making her groan in pain and hold a hand over her face. He crawled back to Smith and dropped him off next to the other commander. At the sight of his burnt arm she yelled in dismay, tears streaming down her face as she alternated between either gagging or sobbing. 

He made his way back to the helicopter and quickly found Jean laying on the ground with his hands shoved onto his thigh and covering a deep laceration that was aggressively gushing blood. He was futilely attempting to stop the bleeding, but he couldn't. Not only did he look like he was in agony from both the wound in his shoulder and thigh, but he looked deathly pale. He saw Eren crawling towards him and pressed into the flesh harder, "I'll be fine- go check on the others." 

Eren didn't listen to Jean's pleas to leave him to bleed out and unbuckled the other male's belt, making another tourniquet. He wrapped it around Jean's far upper thigh and tightened it as best as be could, which wasn't as tight as Hange's because he couldn't find anything to further shorten it as he had previously done. 

Using the knife that was attached to his hip, Eren cut off the pant of Jean's uniform with hasty movements. "This is gonna hurt," he muttered, barely recognizing his own voice due to its shakiness. Without a second thought, he tore the camouflaged material into several strips and started shoving them into the gash and beneath the skin, slowing the bleeding. 

Jean screamed in agony, clutching at Erens shoulders but not forcing him to stop. He knew that he'd rather get a few pieces of fabric surgically removed later than bleed out in the middle of a desert. 

"Once I get this taken care of, crawl over to where Smith and Zoë are. I'm going to look for everyone else," Eren finished with one of the strips and started another. Jean simply nodded and clenched his teeth, sweating profusely at the pain he was enduring. The vein on his forehead had become extremely visible. 

Suddenly, Mikasa came out from the wreckage, carrying an unconscious Marco over her shoulders. At the sight, Eren felt a feeling of relief wash over his body. 

"Eren!" She yelled, speeding up her pace, "is there anyone else?" She looked relieved to see that the two boys weren't burnt to a crisp. 

"Zoë and Smith. I dont know if Smith's...." he paused, swallowing and continuing his ministrations of taking care of Jean's injury. He wasn't extremely close with the commander, but the thought of losing anyone that day was enough to make Eren's mouth go dry. 

She seemed to suddenly notice the fact that Eren wasn't crouched over and was practically laying down, his legs in an incredibly uncomfortable and awkward position, and slowly gasped, not noticing that she let out the noise. 

"Cant feel 'em," Eren spoke, catching wind of Mikasa's concern. He finished with Jean and started to drag himself towards the helicopter again, his red stained shirt dragging in the sand.

Mikasa immediently stopped him in his tracks, setting down Marco next to Jean, where the conscious male pressed his fingers under Marco's jaw to check for a heartbeat. There was barely a press back against his fingertips, but it was enough for him. A tear slid down his face and dripped off of his chin. 

"Eren, no. There's no one else," she put his hands on his shoulders as she crouched down, trying to help the Marine up so she could carry him away from the bird. She had quickly come to the realization that Eren was paralyzed to some degree.

He looked unbelieving as he pulled away from her, "are you sure? Did you count? What if th-"

Her voice dropped low, pitiful and sad. Her face said it all, but she still stated what she needed to, "there's no one else." There was a slight waver to her words

The realness of the situation started to catch up to the brunette, "Bertolt..." thoughts of his friend came bursting through his memories. 

"I tried," a light sob came from the female but her tears hadn't yet started to fall. "When I found him he didnt have a pulse. I tried to give him CPR but it was too late... I was too late." She dropped her head and put a hand on top of her helmet, standing up to grab Marco and Jean from the ground as she got her emotions back under control, "I'll be right back, Eren, hang in there." She had both of the Marine's over her shoulders as she made her way to their designated safe zone. 

Eren felt tears start to well up in his eyes again, but he wiped them away with the backs of his hands aggressively. The movement made the sand-covered palms of his hands sting aggressively and only made the emotions catch up to him faster. He had been holding in his emotions for the last few years since basic training- not willing to let them interfere with his duties. 

The female was back within a few minutes, slinging her comrade and friend over her shoulder. Immediently, she became nervous that the male might have internal bleeding, and that made her steps much more delicate and careful than they had been previously. 

Eren allowed himself to be carried to the others, feeling hopeless and worth nothing to the world. Just mere seconds after Mikasa dropped him off next to Marco, the helicopter suddenly made a hissing noise and burst into a ball of flames barreling towards the sky. The fire had finally made it's way to the fuel supply. 

The enemy must've thought that the crash would've killed all of them, because search vehicles didn't come to their position to finish them off as Eren had feared. Minutes passed and there was no sign of movement from outside of the city. 

In the meanwhile, Eren had taken off his helmet to air his sweat-soaked head. The hot sun was beaming down onto them with no remorse, forcing Eren to squint his eyes and hold a hand over his face. The sharp throbbing in his back hadn't let up yet, but the male was slowly growing accustomed to the feeling. 

Hange was leaning over Erwin's body, grabbing his radio and attempting to call for help from base. All she could recieve was static in response as she yelled into it, requesting a MEDEVAC as fast as they could bring one. There was no way in knowing if someone had heard the request, but it wouldn't hurt to try. It was likely that the hadn't, though, since most of the CG's radio had been melted.

Eren was fading in and out of consciousness at that point, his vision getting blurrier as time passed. Mikasa caught wind of this, as the Marine's head had started to drop occasionally and his eye was unfocused, and forced him to lay down in the sand. 

He wasn't bleeding enough out of his forehead to cause such feelings, so the only other explanation was either internal bleeding or a severe concusion... maybe even both. Either one meant bad news for Eren, as they couldn't receive immediate medical attention for the injuries.

"Take it easy, you might be bleeding internally- movin's just gonna make it worse," Jean groaned, hoisting himself up into a sitting position. His arms felt like deadweights. To Eren, he was just a fuzzy blob blocking the sun from out of his eyes. 

"Quit movin', yourself," the brunette shot back sarcastically, his back sending a dagger-like pain up his spine and throughout his neck, "you ain't lookin' any better than me." He grunted and arched away from the uncomfort, making Mikasa shove a hand on his chest to lay him flat. 

"You have a death wish, don't you?" Mikasa spoke calmly, holding Eren down in place with hands that weren't as gentle as her voice, "if you dont want to bleed out I suggest you stop fuckin' moving. We lost enough guys today. I don't wanna lose you too because you've got some damn ants in your panties. Understood?" 

Eren didnt answer. He clenched his teeth and looked away from the girl, watching a beetle bury itself in the sand near his head. _Man, if only it was that easy to run away from your problems as a person,_ Eren thought. _Life would be a hell'a'va lot nicer._

A faint, all too familiar sound filtered it's way through the crackling the the fire and reached Eren ears. Everyone else seemed to hear it too as they gazed out in the direction towards base, seeing several helicopters inbound for their location. 

"Oh, thank fucking god," Hange said. She looked absolutely exhausted and partially deranged; a pale, tear-stained face showing signs of hope for the first time since the crash. 

"Doesn't look like you managed to kill yourself today, ya suicidal bastard," Jean joked, looking down at Eren's face screwed up in agony. The two-toned male was feeling dizzy from his blood-loss but not totally out of it. Without the bleeding, he probably would've realized that joking during this situation wasn't exactly professional, but his head was swimming in and out of thoughts, unable to decipher what to say or do. 

"Shut the fuck up, horse-face," Eren's voice was strained, "when we get back to base I'm beating your ass." 

Jean just sadly smiled in response. 

_Whatever you say, kid._


	4. Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A medic treats Eren and he reminisces.

"Quit your fuckin' blubberin', Zoë," Eren distantly heard over Hange's cries of agony as Pixis, a naval surgeon for the U.S. Navy, treated her wounds. He had been assigned to their unit a few months back and was renowned for being one of the best doctors to come out of the Navy to support ground troops in the middle east. He put up a relatively cold front to everyone around him, but you could tell that he truly cared if you looked deep enough, especially since many would've given up with Hange's hysterics and put her under. 

Eren was silent, however, as several hands helped lift him from the emergency stretcher and onto a relatively flimsy operating table. His lower body had gone numb minutes ago and he was drifting in and out of consciousness. Already, he could tell that there was something incredibly wrong with his back... there was no doubting it. 

Would he walk again? Fuck if he knew. Fuck if the damned doctors knew. He didn't even know if he was going to make it through another half hour- what made him think that he was ever going to walk again? 

Eren's head felt dizzy. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see his Ma one more time before he slowly bled out from the inside.

But even that was a fucking longshot in Eren's mind. He had known dozens of Marines in the past who had gotten into accidents similar to his own, seemed relatively fine, and then died just hours later from internal bleeding. It really wasn't as uncommon as many would think in a normal, day-to-day setting in comparison to the Marine Corps. 

Then again, when was this just a normal day at the office?

As much as Eren would like to say that he regretted his decisions up until that point in time as he lay there, unmoving, he couldn't. There wasn't a second that went by with even an ounce of remorse for his past-self. He did his job. He got his comrades and friends out of the helicopter. He served for his country, among others. It was enough. If he died right then and there, he wouldn't go with second-thoughts. 

As he felt a needle prick the inside of his elbow, he finally succumbed to the dark spots clouding his vision. He heard the naval doctor assigned with him begin yelling something about needing to keep his eyes open- but fuck, was he tired. He could barely even muster the strength to move his eyes to the person currently smacking him lightly on the side of the face to keep him sobered up. 

_"Ma..." a younger, leaner Eren stood before his mother, a beautiful but aged woman with wrinkles just starting to form around the corners of her eyes. At the sound of her son's nervous voice, she turned from where she had been hanging laundry to dry and focused her attention to the young man in front of her._

_"I've..." Eren swallowed, "I've been thinking about joing the Marine Corps..." immediently, he ducked his head and stared at his feet, already knowing how'd she'd react._

_A beat of silence barely had enough time to pass before the older woman turned back to her task, "no." A simple response, but it was enough to crush the boy's spirits._

_"But, Ma, I-"_

_"No," she angrily threw a sheet over the line, completely giving up on hanging it with clothes' pins, "end of discussion." She didn't wait to hear her son's pleas. Reaching down, she picked up the wicker basket she had carried the laundry out in and stormed towards the house, leaving Eren to stand between the billowing while sheets alone._

"Get him on some morphiene," the medic said, cutting the front of Eren's slightly bloodied uniform open with a pair of medical scissors. He could barely feel the cool metal graze his abdomen. 

_"What the hell have you been planting in that boy's head?" Carla snapped at her father, the elderly man sitting on the family couch with his glasses perched on the end of his nose. At her anger, he gazed, unaffected, in her direction._

_"He wanted to hear a few of my old war stories, so I humored him. I don't see anything wrong with that." The TV filled with laughter, a rerun of_ M*A*S*H _playing idly in the background._

_Carla was furious, "Eren's talkin' 'bout joining the Marines now." At the surprised look on the veteran's face, she knew that she had said enough to get her point across._

_"What did you say?" It wasn't the response that Carla had been expecting._

_Scoffing, the woman ran her hands through her messy hair, "what'd you think I said? No, of course." She couldn't bring herself to look her Dad straight in the eyes as she continued, "god knows what the military did to you. Damned thing has done enough damage for the rest of the family."_

And the dizziness was back. Eren could practically feel his eyes rolling in his head with each passing second, unable to focus them forward. He felt hands on his body, but he couldn't tell what their jobs were. If they had been beating him to death as he lay there, he wouldn't have been able to notice. 

_"Carla..." the man said through a sigh, "you can't shelter the kid forever- he's gonna grow up eventually." He didn't want to fight his daughter on this, but he had gone through the same situation with his own parents as soon as he was able to sign up to enlist, and he knew that it might be necessary._

_His words didn't seem to have any effect, "I almost lost you to all of that damned violence- like hell if I'm going to let Eren make the same mistake."_

"Internal bleeding, several fractured ribs, fractured spine... most likely a concussion- though I don't know its severity yet..." the medic rambled off to another naval doctor, just barely audible to Eren over the groans of Hange as someone treated her wounds. Even though he heard what they had been discussing, he wasn't able to comprehend the statements. 

_"I hope you realize that he's going to follow his heart, dear," the elderly man spoke gently, not wanting to escalate the situation, "there's nothing that you can say or do that will stop him from enlisting the second he turns eighteen... you know this."_

_And she did. She knew that oh-so-well and, quite frankly, it terrified her. More than she'd ever admit to herself._

Eren could feel the doctor grabbing his tags and reading them. His name, his branch, his number, his blood type, and religion- it was all that you were to the military. A couple of words that could identify you if you ended up returning home in a casket. 

Next to his tags was a small key- just smaller than the size of his pinky finger. It was the key to his childhood home- a beautiful house in a not-so-beautiful part of town. It's where Eren's best memories were- one's that would forever stay ingrained into his head like they were carved into the bone of his skull. 

_"He'll end up dead," Carla yelled, her tears making her voice not as serious as she had meant for it to be, "is that what you want?!"_

"Get me a few pints of B, Hauss."

_"No- it would never be what I'd want... but, if the military is what Eren wants his future to be... why would it be my decision to keep that from him? Why would it be yours?"_

"Yes, Sir."

_"I can't lose him."_

"Better hurry up unless you want to lose him."

_Carla's father smiled softly at her, "you won't."_

The medic turned to Eren, eyeing his practically drugged-like state. All he could do was offer the barely alive soilder in front of him a small grin, barely anything but enough where it was noticable. 

"Don't worry, we aren't gonna lose you, soilder." 

Eren's eyes fell shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't seem like a lot of people are interested in this story, as seen by the hit counter but I refuse to give up on this!! Thank you for reading <3


	5. Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren wakes up and recieves from news from his higher-ups.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter, but it's a transition from the middle east to the states, in a way.

"Bertolt Hoover," a marine read off of a clipboard. The boy was a tall soilder wearing fatigues with a freshly buzzed scalp- most likely a cadet due to the latter. He had just came in to give a casualty report from the mission earlier that day to everyone in the medical center. "KIA." 

It was silent as Eren lay on his designated bed. He had a large piece of white gaze wrapped around his head to stop the bleeding of the cut just above his eye. It stung, but it was nothing compared to the dull throb that shuddered through his body with each of his own heartbeats. The pain was lightly concentrated in his upper abdomen, but his lower back was recieving the worst of it.

"Moblit Berner, KIA."

Eren gritted his teeth and turned onto his side, away from the man reading the report. He didn't want to hear it. He knew that they were all dead- he had seen it in person... but hearing it out loud made it that much more real. Two marines. Two of Eren's comrades and friends that he had trained with. Two people that he would never see again besides at their respected funerals. It was difficult to grasp. 

A few moments of silence passed as everyone in the room exchanged sorrowful glances, all having known the two men. 

"Lt. Eren Jäger," a familiar and deep voice bellowed out as the door swung open. Each individual in the room immediently stiffened and saluted. Those who had been sitting down stood and those who couldn't sat up. 

Eren turned around and forced himself upwards into a sitting position, offering his superior a salute. He grimaced all the while, eyes stinging at the pain in his stomach. 

_Weak._

Pixis waved the younger man off, "at ease, soilder. Don't need you messing yourself up more than ya already are." The general was an older man, bald, but not on his own terms, with a grey moustache, a thin, but noticeably strong body, and an incredibly trustworthy and intelligent personality. He was also wearing his fatigues, but with his camo uniform jacket thrown on hastily as protection from the overbearing sun. 

Relaxing, Eren eased himself back onto the bed, cringing as he did so.

"I'm sure you know why I'm here," General Pixis said as he strolled up next to the younger man's medical cot. Eren couldn't tell if he was relieved or disappointed at the appearance of his General. 

"Yes, sir," the lieutenant's voice was hoarse and grainy from not having spoken in a few hours. As he replied, he felt the pain in his ribs increase tenfold. He found it incredibly difficult to look Pixis straight in the eye; he felt embarrassed for himself... he felt as if he were a failure to not only his country, but everyone around him. 

"You'll be out of here tomorrow morning at 0600- we're gonna have a pilot fly you home with some boys that are going on leave," Pixis seemed to pick up on Eren's behavior and decided to cut the conversation off short. While he wanted to comfort the young lieutenant, he knew that it would do more harm than good to continue bringing up his newfound disability. 

"When you get back to the states, we'll already have you set up for physical therapy at one of the nearby hospitals," Pixis didn't want to continue the dampening conversation but he knew that it was necessary. "We've had many guys go through there and come out just fine in the end- I'm sure it'll be the same for you." He offered Lt. Jäger a handshake, and the boy returned it with an almost dead fish grip.

"It was an honor serving with you, son," he smiled meekly. "Keep us posted on how life treats ya, alright?"

Eren only nodded in response, unable to find his voice. 

"Have a safe flight back home- and don't give those damned doctors back in the states any problems! Lord knows how stubborn you can be," there was a short bark of laughter from the general. With that, he left the medical center, allowing everyone to return to their previous activities. 

Several nurses filtered in and out of the building as time passed, stopping to check the wounded's vitals and tend to the doctors' needs. A short woman with hair so blond it was almost white came by and took Eren's bloodpressure and heartrate without a single word. She simply scribbled down something onto a sheet of paper and left, leaving Eren feeling more lonely than he had started out as. 

The naval doctor who had seen Eren when he first came in strolled over to the lieutenant's cot, glancing at the clipboard attached to the end near Eren's feet, where the nurse had written down his vitals. Something seemed to upset him and he clicked his tongue, grabbing a stethoscope from where it had been wrapped up in his back pocket.

"I'm just going to check your heartrate, real quick," he muttered, offering Eren a small smile. "I don't think that this new recruit knows how to do her job properly." 

Eren tried to grin back, but he simply didn't have the emotional capacity at the moment. Luckily, the medic seemed to not pay this any mind and assisted Eren into a sitting position, lifting up the Lieutenant's shirt to get a better reading.

Several seconds of silence passed as he listened to Eren's heartbeat. He eventually pulled back and took off the stethoscope.

"Well, your heart still works, which is always a good thing," he joked half-heartedly, "and everything seems to be alright and you're pretty stable..." he paused, "I assume that General Pixis already came by...?" He trailed off, not wanting to give out the information if Pixis had not already stated it, since it was not his job to do so.

"He did," Eren stated matter-of-factly. He knew that he sounded rude with his curt answers, but he felt completely physically and emotionally drained. He didn't want to sit and pretend to be nice to people when his entire life had just hit the fan and there was nothing more he wanted to do than go home. 

The doctor chuckled, "I bet that was a good thing to hear. I've got boys driving me up the wall right now trying to get home with bullshit excuses of leg pain and sicknesses..." he wrote more things onto Eren's clipboard and hung it back up, "you got any family back home?"

Eren nodded, "parents." He didn't feel like small-talk.

"Wife and kids?"

"No," Eren knew that he sounded sad, but he bit back his feelings, "hopefully in the future, though."

Without a second thought, the other grinned, "You'd make a great father," and for some reason, that sentence by itself completely pissed Eren off to no extent because this doctor was acting like he fucking _knew_ Eren and _knew_ that everything was going to pan out well for the brunette. It sickened Eren, the amount of times that the medic had probably said that to other marines with no hope for them. 

Pity.

That's all it was...

And Eren didn't want it. 

It was the same kind of pity you gave to a person dying of cancer, where you knew that it was their end but you just kept feeding them lies upon lies that life was going to be great for them, only for them to end up flat-lining just days later. 

Eren knew that he was lucky to be alive, that he could've ended up just like Bertolt or Moblit- and he didn't regret the fact that he had survived... but it was just so bloody _hard_ for him to keep his head up and give into the lies around him. He would probably never walk again, he knew that. Everyone around him knew that- but they kept up with the lies and told Eren of stories of cripples regaining the ability to walk as Eren listened in disbelieving silence. 

He wanted to get up and walk away, to shout at everyone to shut up and allow him to wallow in his own self-pity, to run away from everything to just have a moment by himself with his own thoughts.

But no. He couldn't do anything like that. 

So he lay on the cot and muttered a small, "thanks," through a clenched jaw, watching as the doctor wandered away to tend to an unconcious Commander Smith.


	6. Bandaged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets prepared to finally be discharged.

Carla Jäger was just about to fall asleep when the phone rang.

From the opposite side of the bed, Grisha grunted in annoyance and rolled away from where he had been holding his wife, shoving a pillow over his head. Carla rubbed the sleep from her eyes and ignored her husband's ministrations. Leaning over the side of the bed to reach the nightstand, she picked up the landline and held it to her ear.

"Hello?" Her voice was rough from sleep and she had to clear her throat as soon as she had spoken

_"Good evening, is this the Jäger residence?"_ The man in the other side of the phone sounded as if he had said the same sentence thousands of times before- the sentence almost being robotic in nature. 

Carla immediently straightened in bed before checking the caller ID, not recognizing the number or area code, "yes, this is Carla Jäger speaking." She didn't provide more information, finding it unnecessary.

_"I'm sorry to disturb your evening, Mrs. Jäger,"_ the man's voice took a more sincere tone than previously. 

Carla just clicked her tongue in dismissal, "how can I help you, sir? It's quite late and I have work early in the morning." 

There was a short pause as the man looked for his words, _"this is General Dot Pixis of the United States Marine Corps, Ma'am, usually, I am not the one to make these calls, but I felt that since your son is an exceptional young man, I should be the one to speak with you and your husband."_

Carla immediently straightened upwards, making Grisha roll over and state at her in confusion and worry. 

"Is he okay?! What-"

Dot Pixis knew that it wasn't professional to interrupt, but he felt that it was necessary to interject before the woman had a stroke, _"Ma'am, your son was in a helicopter when it was hit by an enemy missle. He's scratched up a bit, but he's expected to recover. At the moment, however, many of the doctors overlooking him have reason to believe that his legs are... paralyzed."_

Grisha seemed to hear this and he sat up as well, looking at his wife with worried eyes for more information. 

The female didn't know what to say to this as her grip on the phone tightened. Grisha put his hand on her leg on top of the blanket and her hand quickly fell to his to clutch at it. "Are you sure? Can you be certain... without proper doctors-"

_"We currently have some of the best medical staff at our base working with him... Ma'am. They're doing everything they can and... they've all seen this in the past. I can assure you that they are proper doctors, Mrs. Jäger... their opinions are trusted by most Marines,"_ the General didn't want to sound rude but he had to make sure that the boy's parents knew that their son was being taken care of. 

Carla felt her breathing go ragged and she handed the phone to her husband, leaning back to the nightstand to find her asthma inhaler as her chest tightened. Grisha took the landline without a word and spoke in a hushed voice with the General, standing next to the bed in a white t-shirt and boxers as his wife took a puff of the medicine. 

They spoke for a few minutes, discussing things that Carla didn't catch due to her fears finally catching up with her and crashing down onto her like an unforgiving wave. She knew it. Something like this was going to happen to her baby. It had only just been a matter of time. She should've locked Eren up in his room before she ever let him sign up for the Marine Corps-

"When?" Grisha spoke, catching his wife's attention. The male sighed and glanced at Carla, watching her slowly regain her composure as time passed. 

"Okay, thank you, General Pixis," Grisha eventually hung up after a few more words and Carla looked at him expectantly for more information. 

He slowly sank down onto their shared mattress, allowing his wife to wrap her arms around him as a support line for the both of them, "they're discharging him in the morning...they'll fly him over right after to see a specialist..." he looked at Carla, struggling himself to calm down. 

Carla dug her head into Grisha's shoulder and let out a strangled sob, shoulders shaking and face not visible. He simply reached up and sat his arm on her shoulder, rubbing it in circles for comfort, leaning into her embrace and fighting back tears himself.

They sat like that, wrapped up with each other until sunlight peered in through the thin curtains above their bed. 

A nurse gently shook Eren awake at 0500 hours, just an hour before Eren would be discharged and flown back to the states. 

A part of him was excited to see his family again, he'd have to admit, but another was slowly eating away at the back of his mind: telling him how useless he'd be to everyone as soon as he passed the Jäger threshold. 

She quickly explained how the day's events were going to go down as she assisted him to a sitting position. Eren numbly nodded in response to every word, not paying the least bit of attention to the female. 

If Eren hadn't of been in such a sour mood, he might've realized how attractive the nurse was and could have made some kind of off-hand comment about it to her- a bad attempt at flirting, if you will... but he couldn't bring himself to say anything other than a small "thanks" as she finished giving him a sponge bath. He was completely drained. He didn't have the capacity at the moment to turn on the Jäger charm. 

Just minutes later, Eren saw that Erwin was up and moving on the other side of the medical center- giving the brunette's heart a rest of worrying if he was going to make it. When the elder saw his subordinate, he offered him a respectful nod of his head and a look of pure gratitude- he must've heard from Hange about how he pulled him from the wreckage, because on most occasions, Erwin was relatively cool and plain-faced. 

That, or he heard of Eren's current condition and the look wasn't gratitude, but instead, pity.

God, Eren hoped it wasn't the latter. A journalist had already stopped inside of the med unit just after Eren awoke and stared at his bandaged face and bruised body without a single word. She didn't need to speak, though. The look of pity on her face spoke much more than would ever come from her mouth. 

She would probably write about it, too. Say something about how much of a damaged soul he had become, and how bad she felt for him- how she wished him a speedy recovery and sat down and listened to his in-action stories... all being lies to falsely engross the audience.

Eren would read about it in the paper later that week, most likely. Everyone in his family would contact him and he'd receive sympathy cards mentioning the article; family that he hadn't of heard from since he was twelve. 

His family, other than intermediate, didn't want much to do with Eren. There was no particular reason for their coldness, and yet, they completley ignored Eren and his parents on all occasions. They didn't invite them to holidays and always seemed to forget when they were invited to stay at the house if they were in town; always renting a hotel room instead.

Eren didn't know what he had done to receive such seeming "hate." He didn't recall ever being rude to a single member of his extended family... yet they had no issue being rude to him. But despite the lack of support from anyone besides his parents, he still sent out Christmas cards to each and every family member because he was an adult, and didn't have to thrive on drama to get through the day- unlike his aunts who made up lies about every person they crossed. 

It was sad, really. Eren had never been one to prejudge people and would always give them a chance to prove the thoughts in the back of his head wrong. Usually, all of the people turned out decent- and only if the rest of his family could see how much it played off to be somewhat open-minded. 

And if he did have any negative thoughts about the person, he kept them to himself unless what they were doing was directly harming others. Eren saw it as a well-functioning system. 

Around half an hour later, when his nurse was attempting to get him situated in an old, worn out wheelchair, a few familiar faces came by to bid the brunette farewell and thanks for serving alongside them.

Mikasa and Jean had spotted Eren before he saw them himself, too focused on helping his medic in whatever way he possibly could. They made their way over to him and eventually he looked up, smiling as he saw his commrades.

Jean was leaning on a crutch, obviously one that had been used by many injured soilders in the past at base. Mikasa looked relatively fine. She had a few gauze pads wrapped around her arms, covering scrapes and cuts, but other than that, she was pretty much unscathed.

"I'm coming back with ya'," Jean said without much of a greeting beforehand. He had a dorky smile on his face as he leaned down and tapped at his leg. "Apparently, the fucker got broken in the crash and you can't provide ground support with a fractured femur... who knew?" Eren then noticed the splint around his thigh at the other male's words. He decided to not continue on a conversation about his leg, though, knowing that it was a hard subject to breach with wounded soldiers. 

Eren just shook his head at Jean's blatant sarcasm. He had always been one to get Eren out of his negative spots- despite how annoying the man could be at certain times. He was cocky, indecent, and quite a prick when he wanted to be- but he cared. You could see it deep down in his hazel eyes that he loved everyone around him, despite how much he tried to make you think otherwise.

It was most likely a coping mechanism to deal with the stress of being a marine while also protecting him from becoming to attached to people that might end up sent home in a wooden box. Eren couldn't blame him for his front at times. He somewhat wished he could become as indifferent as Jean when it came to those around him, or at least pretend to be, but it just wasn't him: it wasn't who he was. 

"They're keeping me here for a while," Mikasa broke in, gesturing to her body with her bandaged arms, "as you can see, I'm still in good working order so I'm going to finish up this tour and then probably get sent home for a bit," she smiled softly at Eren. He could tell that she was trying her hardest not to look down at his legs. She didn't know how touchy he would be about his injuries and didn't want to push him mentally. 

Jean either didn't get the memo of her actions or simply was curious and blurted out, "so... are you like paralyzed or something?" Mikasa immediently slapped him on his good shoulder and he looked at her incredulously.

_He didn't mean it badly,_ Eren thought with a small sigh, _he was just curious. He wouldn't mean any harm._ Eren couldn't really blame him for his question, but he probably could've rephrased his words better than he had. 

"The doctors think so," Eren said, trying to keep his voice indifferent, "but until I see a specialist they can't be sure if its permanent or if I'll he able to recover from it." The nurse who had been tending to Eren excused herself from the conversation, leaving the three by themselves to assist others.

"Damn," Jean said, shuffling awkwardly, (which Eren couldn't tell if it was from the crutch or the new found information) "I'd be surprised if you didn't make a full recovery... you're hella persistent and a real stubborn brat at times." A smile broke out across his face. 

Eren chuckled, shaking his head, "'corse you'd say that." His ribs ached from speaking, but he wanted to talk with his friends. He needed the positiveness in this dark time. 

Eventually, the nurse returned and explained to him that they would need to start heading over to where a small aircraft would land to pick up several soilders being discharged- since it was going to take longer due to the wheelchair having to be pushed through the thick dust all over base. Eren wordlessly allowed himself to be pushed in the chair, feeling awkward the whole time as passing marines glanced at him with pity before continuing onward.

As expected, the aircraft arrived at 0600 hours right on the dot- as tardiness for the air forces was incredibly frowned upon. The landing strip coughed up dust as the plane landed, sending swirls of pale brown dirt toward the sky. Eren was much too preoccupied picking at the bandages on his hands to watch, though, as the gauze wrap was already starting to fray badly. A single strand of it had become incredibly long from snagging something, and as Eren tried to pull it off, it ended up only becoming worse as it unraveled to a foot-long piece of string.

His medic tutted at his actions and did it herself, easily snapping the string off. Eren then noticed his childlish actions and dropped his hands into his lap, ignoring the small giggle that came from the nurse. 

As the aircraft taxied towards them, Eren became ever-more-so aware of everything that had happened in the last 24 hours. He had been shot out of the sky like a bird, lost all control of his lower body, and was pretty roughed up as well, if the gash above his eye was anything to by.

And now he was going home. To face his mother and father in shame as he would arrive at the airport and see the looks of distress and disappointment coating their faces in streaks of tears and frowns. 

They'd say, "I knew that it was going to happen," or, "I told you so," and Eren would only have to agree with them for a moment in time. 

But he couldn't keep the thoughts for very long.

Because he didn't regret the choices he made. 

And he never would.


	7. Levi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi makes his debut.

Levi was used to seeing what one may call "normal" patients. Everyday people with average lives who just so happened to step awkwardly on their ankle or take a tumble down a staircase. He was used to their stories, listening respectfully as a woman with tendonitis did several arm excersises to strengthen her tendons, or an older man explained why his hip was aching from his times as an Iron Worker. It was always the usual. 

Hell, that was what he expected on most days. It's what he expected when he received an email about a paralyzed Eren Jäger being sent in later that day. The higher-ups didn't give him much more information than that- just simply stated the injury, name, and several other required things. Usually, he'd get a brief synopsis of how the injury occurred, but in this case, either someone forgot or they just couldn't care to take the extra effort to type out a few words. 

It wasn't a big deal to Levi. He'd have to hear the patient explain how it happened again anyways- and with having a paralyzed lower body, Levi could likely assume what the cause was. Car crash, falling from somewhat of a height, etc. Levi had seen it all before. Those where some of the most common.

The center was relatively quiet for the most part. Several people came in for appointments and met with their assigned doctors or physical therapists and left with a quick thanks and farewell to the receptionist. Most who came in were older individuals- a 72 year-old woman with her daughter as somewhat of an escort, she had a broken leg after having slipped in the shower and banging it on the side of the bathtub. She also suffered from alzheimers, so either way, she wasn't fit to drive. 

She was one of Levi's favorite patients. While she easily forgot things and Levi had to constantly remind her of everything, she was always sweet and patient with everyone at the facility as they dealt with both her illness and injury. She was also incredibly open minded as an elder, as many were strictly stuck in their ways and didn't give people outside of their molds a chance.

Every time she would come in, she'd tell Levi the exact same stories- and instead of complaining or telling her that she had said that already, he would listen thoughtfully and nod along, giving his input when necessary. Occasionally, he'd help her through parts of her stories if she forgot what had happened, but luckily she didn't suspect anything. 

It was around 10 AM when she finally left the center, her daughter assisting her out to their van. Levi gave the duo a short wave and walked back to his table in the open rehab room, cleaning his station- as he would after every patient for sanitary reasons. 

He only had two more patients that day, as it was a slower week in the office for him. His coworkers were more stacked than he was, but he didn't feel bad about it because there had been times where Levi worked from open to close to cover people's shifts or help patients with things. They could deal with a little extra work every now and then. 

Petra Ral, the receptionist, suddenly stuck her head out from the waiting room, looking around until she met Levi's eyes. She offered him a slightly bashful smile, cheeks reddening as she looked at her coworker. It was no secret that most people in the office found Levi attractive- "hot," as many of the interns said. Not to mention, Petra had been trying to get Levi to ask her out on a date for years- but of course, the poor man was constantly swamped with work, as she was too. 

"Your next appointment is a Elizabeth Blackwell, wrist injury, at 11:30," the small smile didn't leave her face as Levi drooped his eyes to continue with sanitizing his work station.

"Alright, thank you. Then another at 2?" Levi had looked at the email but sometimes he read instead of comprehending things.

Petra tucked a lock of red hair behind her ear, revealing a small hoop earing, "yeah, Eren Jäger- paralyzed in Afganistan from a helicopter crash." 

Levi immediently became interested, although he tried not to show it, "really? A Marine, I'm assuming?"

"I believe so," Petra knew that Levi had served in his younger years, as the prosthetic leg underneath his slacks was anything to go by. "Lt. Eren Jäger- sniper, I think. He's quite respected, I heard. Saved his commander general from the crash even after he couldn't move his legs."

Levi nodded, immediently feeling respect for the male despite never having met him. But Levi knew that feeling- helping others when you were better off dead. 

It was a tour in Iraq that took Levi's leg. 

2014\. 

Civil war was a bitch, and of course the government decided that it was a great idea to intervene. While they saved many civilian lives, it was quite obvious that many of the people living there would've preferred to see the American soilders killed.

It was a relatively calm morning the day that it happened. They were scouting out a city with many civilians in it. According to war laws, they could not fire unless being fired upon, but luckily they were in an area where they fancied the Americans, unlike in other places. However, they still had to be cautious and couldn't take their eyes off a single person for even a second due to the constant threat of al-Qaeda and their bitter hatred for the United States. 

Where it had been a calm morning was soon shredded to pieces the second yells of confusion became audible to the Marines stationed in northern Iraq. Levi quickly became aware of this and raised his gun, assuming the worst was to come. 

And it did. Sudden explosions rang out as several men threw crewdly-made shrapnel bombs into the market square. Women grabbed their children and ran for cover as they exploded, sending nails and broken pieces of metal in every direction. A child could be heard wailing in pain as a nail struck his leg, embedding itself several inches deep into the boys flesh. His mother screamed in both fear and shock and grabbed her son, running for a small building on the street corner. 

The men quickly took off, but Levi was unable to follow, because a large piece of shrapnel had lodged itself right into his shin just below his knee. It gushed blood, but immediently, Levi knew that it hadn't of his anything vital due to its placement. He didn't have much time to dwell on this, however, because several of the men serving with him had also been hit- dragging themselves away from the smoking ground as their bodies bleed profusely. 

Several civilians were struck by random bits of smoking hot metal as well. A man clutched at his stomach as blood flowed freely onto his white shirt. 

Next to him, a soilder was making a radio call, crouching on the ground trying to assist the man as he reported the incident and requested for some kind of backup to arrive with medics. They were several hours off of base, however, so unless there were helicopters nearby from another unrelated "mission" of sorts, they weren't going to be getting help anytime soon. 

"Levi?"

At the sound of Petra's voice, Levi immediently shook himself out of his thoughts. The woman was now standing next to him, staring at his unmoving hands where they had been scrubbing the table just seconds previously. She knew why he had paused, why he had got that far-away look in the eye. Petra was no fool, she knew what happened to Levi in his last few weeks in Iraq, hell, most people in the office did. But there were many reasons why people didn't bring up Levi's time in the military in normal discussion. 

"Sorry," Levi said, clearing his throat as he resumed cleaning the table, "you were saying?" 

Petra gave him a soft smile and continued, "they were going to give him to York for PT... but I think he'll do better under you." She tapped her hand on the doorframe and slid from view, leaving Levi staring where she had just been. 

Levi just sighed, knowing that Petra would get her way in the end, even if he asked her to move the boy back to York. He really didn't want anymore reminders of his time over seas. He had enough of those everytime he put on his prosthetic each morning, and when he took it off late in the evening. 

His time in Iraq hadn't been enjoyable, to say the least. Some marines are positioned in the middle east and never see front line action or have to deal with dangerous situations. They go over and then return home to their families without a second thought, never having to flinch at a firework on the fourth of July or practically cry at the sound of thunder on a rainy summer's day. Levi wished that would've been his story- but of course he had been deployed just a year after civil war broke out, and directly into a hot zone. 

It needed to be done, there was no doubting that. They saved thousands of civilian lives in their time over there and if they hadn't of intervened...

Levi tossed down the now dirty rag into the trashcan near his station and wiped his hands clean with a squirt of hand-sanitizer. He really didn't want to dwell on the past- that wasn't who Levi was. He liked to focus on the now with brief thoughts of the future. If he were to spend all of his time thinking of his time in the Marine Corps, he wouldn't have a single moment for the present. However, just like today, there were always subtle things to remind him, whether he liked them or not. 

One of his coworkers brushed past him to get into a cabinet full of excersise bands. She offered her colleague a small smile and greeting, to which Levi grunted in response and basically ignored. He never meant to be rude or cold, it just somehow came naturally to him despite his best efforts. To strangers, he seemed like a total dick, but to those around him, they realized that's just how he was, and that he didn't mean anything by his demeanor. 

And of course, when something was bothering him, his attitude got worse ten-fold. 

Especially now, when Levi was currently reliving his past in ways which he promised himself he would never do again. He chose to ignore the swirling of his gut and went to take a fifteen minute break in the back, where several of his coworkers were already lounging on chairs and wasting time of their phones between appointments. 

One of the interns glanced up, a small young man with long blonde hair and a frail stature. At the sight of Levi, he immediently stiffened and looked back at his phone screen, typing as if his life depended on it. 

Levi had to fight back a sigh at the boy's actions, but there wasn't much he could do to change his perception on others- especially when it had already been formed. Instead, he walked to the fridge and pulled out a plastic water bottle from the bottom drawer. 

Momentarily, he had the thought to ask if anyone could take his appointment at 2. He could easily make up a simple lie as to why he couldn't be there, and more than likely, an intern that was eager to please would happily take up his offer to earn themselves a few extra brownie points. Plus, no one wanted to be on Levi's bad side, as mysterious as he was. 

He bit his tongue, though. 

He was an adult, he could deal with the situation just fine. Not to mention, he was probably the best candidate for the Marine. They could probably relate on specific things and understand each other in a way that "normal" people would be unable to. He could deal with this Eren Jäger if he happened to have issues with adapting back into normal life. 

Yes, it may bring up a few awful memories, but wouldn't those always be in the back of his head anyways? Hiding from them wouldn't do him much good at this point... long pants could only do so much and even the briefest thought of the middle east could send him into a shaking mess- but as stated previously, he was an adult. He would deal.


	8. Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone else pronounce archive like "ar-chee-vay" when they spell it out or am I just mentally deficient?

But nothing could've prepared him for the sight of the man in person. He was in a wheelchair, being gingerly pushed into the waiting room by an older woman- probably in her forties; long, graying brunette hair pulled into a low ponytail behind her head. 

Levi glanced down to Eren Jäger. He was tall, probably 6'5", but it was too difficult to gage his height properly due to him being seated. His brown hair was long for a marine- definitely not the usual buzz cut that was introduced at basic training. It was messy and curly but didn't drop far past his ears, normal length for most every-day guys. His eyes were a totally different story, however. Vibrant and blue, a stark contrast to his dark complexion.

Levi had to turn away the second he made eye contact, pretending to be busy with something on a nearby counter despite the fact that it was completely barren. 

He gritted his teeth and stalked from the room as he heard the wheelchair squeak on the tiled floor, ignoring the questioning gaze of Petra as she greeted the new patient... not that he cared all much about what she thought. He didn't care what others thought about him much anymore, anyways. 

Levi went into his individual office and shut the door, giving himself a few seconds to calm down his raging heartbeat. Petra was a nice girl, sure, there was no doubting it, but she acted on her own feelings rather than considering others. She had a really bad habit of completely zoning out when being spoken to and couldn't hold a conversation that wasn't centered on her for more than five minutes at a time. In an every day setting, this was relatively dissmissable. If Petra had been in Iraq with Levi during his missions, she would have probably ended up dead. 

"I just need you to fill out these forms real quick," Petra said from behind the closed door, obviously handing the papers to the Marine along with a pen with the rehab center's logo on it. It was the usual, "you'll be with Mr. Ackerman, his office is in room five." 

"Alright," Levi heard a new voice say. Deep, smooth, masculine, it had to be Eren Jäger. "Thank you..." there was a slight pause as Levi assumed the man was waiting for the red-head to give him her name. 

"Petra," she finished. Levi could practically hear the blush in her voice. She got easily flustered around even slightly attractive people. "When you're done with those forms you can go ahead and hand them off to Le- Mr. Ackerman."

"Thank you," a lighter voice. Feminine. Definitely the woman accommodating the Marine. 

Levi sighed and slumped into his office chair, spinning to face his computer and pretend to be occupied with something to pass time. No new emails, no new patients... nothing. How boring. He had at least been expecting something from a coworker. He settled with rearranging the icons on his desktop, dragging them all into alphabetical order from top to bottom. 

There was a light rapping on his closed office door as soon as he reached the "L" section. It practically made Levi jump, despite it being completely expected. 

"Come in," he muttered, just loudly enough to be heard through the thick wood of the door as he swung his chair back around to his consultation desk. He turned just in time to see the door creak open and Eren roll himself through the doorway, alone.

Usually people did the first appointment with another person present for emotional support, but Eren apparently decided it was best to go alone, for whatever reason. 

"Eren Jäger?" Levi asked, even though he knew for a fact that it was the right guy. The brunette simply nodded and fully wheeled into the room, shutting the door behind him as he did so.

Levi almost said take a seat due to it being such a common phrase in his office, but luckily he caught himself. Instead, he stood and crossed around his desk, pushing the consultation chair out of the way so Eren could wheel right next to the desk. He offered the doctor a small smile in gratitude, taking the position as Levi went back to his own seat. The Marine grabbed the clipboard with paperwork on it and slid it across the desk, "your receptionist had me fill these out."

Levi simply took them without a word, opening a program on his computer to add the information into their database. He noticed that the "cause of injury" had not been filled out. Levi knew it anyways, but he didn't know much past "helicopter accident."

"Look," Levi said unexpectedly as he dropped the clipboard onto his desk, startling Eren, "I know that it's hard to talk about the shit that goes on over there, but we need to know what happened. It's standard procedure, Eren." He knew he was prying, and he doubted he would've opened up to anyone after his own accident, especially if they talked to him like that, but the kid needed to open up. Keeping everything balled up inside only made it worse... tenfold. 

He picked up on the way Eren's jaw clenched, his eyes averting their gaze to the blank white walls of the room, "helicopter accident." A curt and helpless answer.

"And?" Levi cocked an eyebrow. God, he was being a dick. He knew it, but he couldn't stop.

Eren looked like he was about to sock Levi in the jaw as his eyes narrowed dangerously. "I told you what happened. Happy?"

"No," Levi's reply was instant while he wrote down Eren's statement onto the form, not even bothering to look up. "I knew that much before you came in here. What else happened?" He tapped the ballpoint pen onto his wooden desk. Eren's eyes followed the movement, still refusing to make eye contact.

"RPG. It hit the cockpit and made the whole thing burn up." 

_Now we're getting somewhere._ "Did they check you for a concussion?" 

The Marine finally returned eye contact, making Levi's heartrate speed up at the challenging gaze boring into his irises. "No- I don't think so. Didn't have many naval doctors on staff at the time- they were too busy with the others." There was no menace in Eren's voice as he said the second bit. Obviously, he had been more concerned for the wellbeing of his comrades than his own. 

"We can schedule you an appointment with a doctor in town. Have you had any headaches since the accident? Dizziness or nausea?" Levi pulled out a sheet of paper from a filing cabinet below his desk.

"No," Eren said. I've felt a bit fuzzy ever since it happened but it's mostly because my ears feel absolutely fucked." He gestured to said appendages with a small smile, obviously attempting to brush off the earlier incidents. 

Levi was slightly thankful for the lighthearted tone Eren had taken. "Well, I can't do too much until we get some x-rays of everything, but I just need to ask you a few questions about how your body feels..." another sheet of paper was added to the forming stack attached to the clipboard. 

"Alrighty," Eren leaned back into the wheelchair, "ask away, doc." He put his hands behind his head as a headrest. As much as it was tempting to roll his eyes, Levi tried to remain professional and crossed one leg over the other, leaning back himself.

"Does everything feel numb or is there just no feeling in general?" 

Eren sighed, "my lower back feels numb, but I can still feel it. Everything below here," he gestured to a spot on his hip, "is just completely gone." His hands dropped into his lap like they were weighted. 

"Can you feel pressure on either of your legs?" 

"No, not at all." 

Levi hummed, writing that down, "usually that's how it goes... how's using the restroom?"

"Completely fine," Eren readjusted one of his legs by picking it up from underneath his thigh, "I've heard that a lot of people lose complete control over all of that shit, but as of now, I'm dandy as hell. No adult diapers for me." A dorky grin spread across his face, obviously finding himself funny at the moment. 

Levi shook his head, a small grin breaking his stoic persona, "have you noticed any sudden paleness in your legs that wasn't there before? Or any kind of swelling in your feet?" He continued with the questionnaire, slightly confused as to how quickly Eren's personality had changed from when he first walked in. 

"Not that I've noticed. Bruising, but I think that's from when the helicopter crashed," Eren leaned down and pulled the pant leg of his jeans up past his shin, revealing a dark purple and green bruise just above his ankle. "It's just on this leg, too."

Levi nodded, noting the severe discoloration of Eren's skin around the bruise. "Just make sure that you keep an eye on that and get it checked out if it starts getting worse- actually, when you go get your x-rays done, have someone look over it. That's probably a better idea." He clicked the end of his pen shut.

There was a beat of silence between the two as they looked at each other, Levi's eyes struggling to remain cold and indifferent to the pure warmth he was feeling in return. 

Breaking the eye contact, he finally set down the clipboard with a soft sigh, "well, that's all we can do for now, so I'll have you come back Wednesday or Thursday of this week -whatever works for your schedule- and make sure you get those x-rays done in the meantime. Then we can actually start trying to get you back to normal." 

Eren smiled, but it seemed more sad than anything else- not a grin of hope or reflection, but a smile that screamed _'this is my new normal. I'll never be able to heal._ It made Levi feel taken back, but he quickly brushed off his feelings of concern. He saw himself in Eren. He saw a broken man sitting in Eren's spot just a few years previous, a freshly amputated leg wrapped in military-grade gauze as his own doctor told him the same exact thing. 

"Alright, thank you, Mr. Ackerman," Eren held out his hand and Levi shook it firmly, feeling the rough callouses that covered the other man's palm and fingers from his years of preparation and training. Levi knew that his hands probably felt exactly the same.

"Levi," the raven corrected, standing to open the door, "I don't do well with titles around here." Eren gingerly wheeled himself out of the cramped office, taking extra care to not scuff the doorframe with his chair. He offered the doctor another smile, one of kindness and thankfulness before making his way down the hall.

"Have a good day," Eren said; a common phrase, really. 

Hearing it from the Marine, however, definitely made Levi's day. 

He found himself uselessly fighting back a smile as he shuffled back into his stuffy room, shutting the door with a small click. From down the hall, Petra nearly dropped her coffee as she saw her coworker smiling for the first time in her life.


	9. Civilian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren readjusts to life at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few terms for yall reading: 
> 
> "Mickey mouse boots" are a kind of military issued boot that are usually used for colder environments. Also, they're quite nice for ice fishing or snowmobiling cause they're so warm. They're called mickey mouse boots cause they're so fucking big. 
> 
> The 23rd infantry division is a real, highly decorated division from the Vietnam war. Those guys did some pretty amazing stuff. 
> 
> "Frogman" is just another term for a SEAL, since they spend so much time in water training. 
> 
> Hell week is a part of Navy SEAL training where trainees go through the hardest bit of their training with little food and no sleep. Most recruits quit during this bit. It's basically the Cruicible for the Marine corps but stepped up 10 notches.

The next few days were a learning curve for Eren. 

Everything that he had ever done in his life had been based around walking to different places with ease, not having to maneuver a wheelchair through tight spaces and have to practically re-learn how to do everything he'd ever known. He had to sleep on the couch ever since he'd gotten home, since all of the bedrooms in their house were located on the second floor. He had to get help to lift himself from his wheelchair onto the sofa, which, of course, was embarrassing in a sense, as he felt like a child rather than a trained officer of the Marine Corps when his father helped tuck him in at night. 

Eren dealt with it, though. He had been through enough that would break the average man in a heartbeat back in the Middle East. There was nothing that could break his spirit. He was one stubborn son-of-a-bitch, something that earned him his ranking of lieutenant in the Corps, despite what some may believe.

His skeptical nature of all situations was what struck out about Lieutenant Jäger. The smallest thing would cause Eren to pull out his small group of men, like something as simple as a herdsman stumbling across their position. Out in the mountainous areas of Afganistan, no one knew who was good or who was bad. All that you knew was there were a lot of people that would like to see a shit ton U.S. Marines' heads put up on spikes. Eren didn't like that risk. Such a skeptical nature had turned out to be a lifesaver more than several times, where Eren had pulled his guys out of areas that were soon swarming with hundreds Taliban members, searching for the Marines who had been there just hours previously. 

His intuition and quick-thinking nature was admirable by all of his subordinates as well as higher-ups. On several occasions, Eren had been asked why he hadn't enlisted in the Navy and tried to join the SEALs, something where many of his colleagues could see him fitting in. Simply put, Eren knew that he wouldn't survive the training, let alone Hell Week. Plus, he wasn't an excellent swimmer. He had just barely passed the swimming training for the corps. He would've made one hell of a shitty Frogman.

So, Eren enlisted into the Marine Corps just a week after he turned eighteen. His mother had been furious, while his father tried to go along with Carla's antics but couldn't hide the proud patriot in himself shining through. His support of Eren's decision had only pissed off the Mama Bear even more, but Grisha still stood firmly behind his decision. Whatever Eren chose to do, he would support it with his whole heart and soul. 

Now, as Eren sat paralyzed in a wheelchair, he wondered if Grisha still supported his decision. 

Coming home and facing his friends and family just a week ago had been the toughest thing Eren had ever had to do. He couldn't even wear his dress uniform, as the Naval doctors back in the middle east had advised not changing clothes too much before x-rays were done. Coming home to see his family, still wearing his fatigues ("cammies," as he called them), felt disrespectful to Eren. There was no way around it, on the other hand. So as Eren wheeled himself into the airport, gaining stares from everyone he passed, he found the large group of family and friends that had come to greet him. 

Carla had sobbed when she saw her son, running to him and falling to her knees to hug him. 

Eren smiled and returned the embrace, "hey, ma." He could feel her tears soaking through his uniform's top as he glanced over her shoulder, catching sight of his father standing next to Eren's great aunt and uncle whom he hadn't of seen for nearly a decade. 

His mother eventually pulled back from the hug and wiped her eyes, stepping back so Grisha could greet his son. The man said nothing and shook his son's hand, and at the time, Eren had mistaken that respectful silence as a deafening announcement of shame. 

Eren could feel the eyes of everyone fixated on the heavy bandaging that was spread out amongst his body, the most noticable being the one around his head and preventing him from putting his cap on. Those passing through the airport gazed at him with something akin to pity with a bit of respect thrown in. Eren knew he looked like absolute shit. There was no denying that. He had been chewed up by an RPG, spit back out and thrown to the ground from a few hundred feet in a burning helicopter. He knew damned well he didn't look like his usual self. 

The greetings from family were awkward, if anything. No one knew what to say, worrying that they would upset Eren at the slightest mention of anything that had happened in the past 48 hours. Most of them weren't even considered as family to Eren. Over half of them couldn't of cared less if he had been shipped home in a body bag. Why they were there, Eren had no fucking clue. He wished they had stayed home. 

But all of this had taken place just over a week preciously. Currently, Eren's new base was his childhood home, a decently sized house in the middle of northern Michigan. It was located quite a bit off the road, surrounded by tall pines and evergreens. The only visitors the Jägers got out that far were lost hikers seeking directions or a ride back to one of the many trailheads. Eren had always appreciated living far out in the woods, giving him hundreds of acres for hunting and tracking deer in the fall. 

Eren sadly knew that his old bolt-action Winchester would be spending the rest of its life in the gunsafe, however. There wasnt much use for it. Eren knew damed well that he couldn't track deer in a fucking wheelchair, and his Dad wouldnt be capable of doing it anymore with his age. 

These thoughts just spiraled into a sorrowful state of mind, so Eren pushed them away, instead, focusing his time with helping his mom with the housework as much as he was able to, despite her complaints. He sat in the livingroom folding laundry for as long as he could, watching Dad through the large bay window cutting firewood for the upcoming winter. Back-breaking work that Eren would usually do, really. Work that he knew wasn't meant for a sixty-five-year-old Vietnam vet with back issues. 

Eventually, Carla would chase him out of the living room, telling him to go rest or something similar. That left Eren to entertain himself, something which he clearly wasnt capable of doing at his childhood home when all he knew how to do was go outside and do chores. It was strange, really, feeling practically useless in your own home. It didn't sit right with Eren, and he figured it wouldn't for the rest of his life there. 

Being back in the United States was a strange feeling. Eren's last deployment had started just over six months previously and he wasn't really accustomed to some of the changes that his mother had put up around the house. Over the mantle of the fireplace was a new framed photo of Eren in his dress uniform, a standard photo for most Marines. Eren almost laughed when he saw it, his freshly shaven face a stark contrast to his current rugged state. He hadn't shaved in nearly four days at that point and he was considering just letting his beard grow out. Everyone knew that the Marine Corps didn't allow facial hair unless you were in some form of a special operations squad. Now that Eren was released, there was nothing stopping him.

Except for his mother, who may tell him that he looks like a homeless person. The thought alone made Eren smile. 

Another change was a new TV, a flat screen which was the complete opposite of the old box of a television that had sat in its place for nearly a decade. Eren assumed that Carla had gotten it with the intent of allowing a little less strain on her husband's eyesight as he watched his favorite old westerns. 

A new crossbow had been purchased as well, hanging from its mount on the wall across from the bay-window. Eren couldn't reach high enough to inspect the model, which was a punch to his pride, to be honest, but he settled for glancing at it momentarily before making a mental note to ask his father about it when he was done with firewood. Eren had always used a compound bow ever since he was a child. The thought of switching it up didn't sit very well with him, but he wasn't completely opposed to the idea. After all, if Grisha had tried it out and liked it enough to buy it with his pension, Eren had a feeling that he would like it, too. 

Carla had mentioned something about family coming to visit later that day but Eren wasn't in on the details of the situation. Likely, it would be his aunts and uncles from his Dad's side, people who genuinely had an interest in Eren's life, many of which had a background in military service in their own intermediate families. Carla's side hadn't served a day in their lives, and while there was nothing wrong with that, it made it harder for Eren to relate to them and vice versa. 

One man who Eren was genuinely eager to reunite with was his uncle Zeke, the man who had originally introduced the idea of joining the military to a young Eren. He was a tall, stocky man of about 6'3", made of solid muscle. He had been drafted into the Vietnam war along with his brother, Grisha, and had actively served from between the years of '67 and '71. He was an extremley strong willed person, which had served him well as a soilder of the 23rd infantry division. He was a well-decorated man and had left the military in '72 with many awards for his efforts. Eren had only ever seen the man in his dress uniform once, and it had been well decorated, as he remembered. 

Eren missed the man, to be quite frank. He had been an incredible inspiration for him throughout his childhood, telling him stories of his years during 'Nam and the heroic acts of his friends in battle.

Grisha was much more guarded with what he shared with his son, trying to keep him innocent to the awful things that had happened over seas. Zeke was more lose about details, sharing with Eren the times that he had to step in and beat the ever-loving shit out of his comrades for treating POWs wrongly. While they were enemies of the U.S., Zeke still treated them with the respect of a human to a human. The strong Christian in himself required it. 

Eren wasnt too keen on reuniting with the other members of his family. The only people he was excited to see were the younger children who always tagged along, running around the house and causing absolute mayhem all the while. 

After Eren's last tour, they had all come to the Jäger household for Thanksgiving. Once they had found out that Eren was a Marine, they hadn't left him alone for the rest of the day, climbing overtop of him and requesting stories about the Middle East. Eren left out the gruesome details, including his then confirmed-kills status of 42, and stuck to describing the landscape and the people who called that rugged terrain home. They squealed as Eren reenacted things and laughed as he told them about the time a scorpion had gotten into his pants. Now, he was "Uncle Eren, the army man," even though he wasn't their uncle by a longshot. 

He loved those kids, though... loved them as if they were his own children. He could only begin to imagine the sadness in their eyes when they saw his injuries, quickly piecing together what had caused his now wheel-chair-ridden state. Their parents had probably already told them what had happened, anyways. Eren doubted if it would be much of a shocker anymore. 

Despite being home, Eren still wore his issued combat boots as he wheeled himself through the house. They were half laced with the leftover strings tucked loosely into the tongues of the boots, mostly because he wouldnt be able to tell if they were too tight. He had changed out of his uniform since arriving home, as well, now dressed in a red flannel shirt and his old work jeans. The casual familiarity of the clothes was soothing to the male, reminding him of times before enlisting. 

At around three, Grisha eventually made his way back inside, not bothering to take off his boots by the backdoor as he stomped his way through the house. Eren could hear his mom grumbling about the trail her husband was leaving but chose to not directly confront him about it, since she knew he would sweep it up for her at some point. She asked him about how the firewood was going and he said something that Eren didn't quite catch, but made Carla chuckle as Grisha placed a kiss on her temple.

He mentioned that he was going to go change out of his work clothes before ascending the stairs, offering Eren a nod of his head in acknowledgement before disappearing from view. Just a few minutes later, a brigade of cars and trucks began to funnel in from the driveway, all vehicles of family members. 

Eren turned himself away from the window and rolled towards the corner of the living room, not wanting to be the center of attention when people began to enter the house. 

Carla only noticed the gathering family members when a truck door slammed shut particularly loud. She let out a slightly audible, "oh!" and set down the shirt that she had been folding to go meet them at the door. Eren saw the few articles of clothing that still had to be folded and wheeled towards where they were sitting on the couch, finishing the job which his mother had started. 

"Oh, it's so nice to see you, dear!" Eren's great aunt practically let herself into the house and smothered her niece with a hug. She was a ninety-two-year-old woman who most definitely didn't act her age, one who still went out in the dead of winter to go ice fishing with her husband. "Of course, not under the best circumstances but, nonetheless...." she paused, and Eren could already tell that the woman was looking in his direction. Eren refused to turn to her. 

"How is he doing?" They talked as if Eren wasn't standing within earshot. 

"Adjusting," Carla spoke, keeping the topic short-lived and quiet. 

The storm-door creaked open again and there was the tell-tale voice of Eren's uncle Zeke as he made his way into the house, offering Carla a quick hug and greeting before he went to find his nephew.

Eren set down the clothes in his hands and rolled to meet Zeke halfway. He was dressed in khaki pants and a blue button down, still wearing his rubber "Mickey Mouse" boots from his days in the military. Eren shook the mans hand as an unfamiliar look glazed across his uncle's face, catching Eren quite off-guard.

"Son," he said, adjusting his circle-lensed glasses, completely skipping introductions to say something important, "I don't think you'll ever understand how proud of you I am." He leaned down and hugged Eren, the first time since the brunette had been a toddler. "You've done us all proud, I just wanted you to hear that." 

It was a short sentiment, really, but Uncle Zeke had never been a man of many words. Anything that he said was genuine, never having been one to tell lies. He calculated and thought before he spoke: curtly, most of the time, but caring nonetheless if you could pick it out of his particularly short speech- only if you knew what to look for. 

"Thank you, sir," Eren said, forcing himself to hold down the smile that threatened to bubble to the surface of his lips. Uncle Zeke was strict business. He didn't care if Eren was in a wheelchair, paralyzed, he would still smack the fuck outta him if he decided to get a cheeky grin on his face at a compliment. 

Zeke had basically trained Eren to be the Marine he was today. In reality, he was more like a higher-up than a relative. 

"Eren!" The loud sound of several pairs of feet flying across the ground caught the male's attention. He glanced up and saw his favorite group of kids running towards him, smiles breaking across their faces. Now, he couldn't help his own grin that started to grow. 

Xavier, a six-year-old boy with way to much energy, crashed into Eren and basically suffocated him in a hug. His strength was quite unexpected since his arms were so tiny. 

"Hey, buddy," Eren said, hugging him back, "how've ya been? Sorry I missed your birthday, kiddo." He pulled back and messed up Xaviers hair, making the kid shrink away and attempt to fix it. 

"It's okay!" He said, his hands straightening out his brown hair, "I know you couldn't help it- but I got your letter!" He beamed at Eren, quickly getting almost shoved out of the way when Amy, an eight-year-old girl, crashed into Eren to give him a hug. 

"I missed you, army man!" She buried her face in his shirt and Eren laughed, patting her back. 

"I missed you too, Amy, whatcha been up to while I was gone? Did you finish that huge science project?" 

"Yep," Amy pulled back and practically puffed out her chest, "I got an A plus on it!" She put her hands on her hips, quite proud of her score. 

"I wouldnt expect anything less," Eren spoke, readjusting his leg. At his movements, Amy's eyes dragged downwards. Before the words even left her mouth, Eren knew what she was going to say.

"Are you paralyzed?" Amy wasn't one to filter her thoughts. Xavier practically cringed at her question, as he was one to know what the wrong and right things to say were. 

Eren didnt take it to heart, though. Instead, he smiled and nodded, "yes, I can't move my legs anymore." He didn't necessarily know how to explain the situation to a young child, "I probably will never be able use 'em again." 

Amy frowned, fiddling with the edge of her shirt "what happened?"

Xavier smacked his sister's arm , making her jump, "Amy," he hissed, "you can't just ask that-"

"Oh, it's fine," Eren had to struggle to keep the careless grin on his face, "I was in a helicopter when some bad guys knocked it down. I got pretty banged up but I'm happy to still be here." 

Amy's face dropped to an even more solemn level, "did anyone..." she licked her lips, obviously not knowing that what she was about to say was not the best question to ask, "did anyone die when it crashed?" Her voice dropped to a whisper as she said the last word. 

_"Eren, no. There's no one else."_

Eren felt his throat go dry as he searched for words, his heartrate going haywire as he saw the pilot's burnt corpse in the wreckage, the bodies of Hange's troops as they were taken back to base... he was reliving it. He glanced down to the still-healing blisters and burnt skin on the palms of his hands. At the sight, he clentched his fists and turned them away from himself, completley ignoring the sharp sting that formed from his actions. _Why is is so hard to breathe all of a sudden?_

"Why don't you guys let Uncle Eren rest, yeah?" The mother of Xavier and Amy practically materialized in front of Eren's wheelchair. She grabbed Xavier by the shoulder and directed him away from the general area of Eren, holding Amy's hand to tug her along. "I'm sorry about them, they're just curoius," she looked into Eren's eyes and there must've been something there that changed her perspective because she nearly started to cry at the sight. 

The brokenness that she sensed in the man before her was unmistakable. She had watched Eren grow into the man that he was today, and the Eren that left just over six months ago wasn't the same one sitting before her now. His eyes had changed. They weren't bright as they usually were, crinkled from his constant smiling. They were darker, downcast. His usual clean-shaven face was covered in stubble, making him look nearly ten-years-older than he actually was. She didnt see Eren as she looked at him. She saw a broken veteran, someone who she had never wished Eren to be. 

Those eyes had seen things. He had done things which a man should never be forced to do. She had to turn away from him, dragging her kids along with her. She couldn't look into the eyes of that broken man without losing something inside of herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's spirit isn't as broken as she thinks it is. He's just a bit shell-shocked from the crash, still.


End file.
